Friday, May 20, 2011

Reflection


These days seem to leave me wordless. It has been one year yesterday that my mother passed away. In some corner of myself I have been profoundly changed. I seem to have lost something of me and I don't even know what it is or where to look for it. I had planned to be in the temple on this day but life just didn't work out the way I had planned. Still, I look forward to the day and know it will come shortly. I wonder, is she looking toward the day? I wonder what it is like for her now, is she busy with all of the things she didn't get done here? I wonder alot about death and how it changes you. I don't visit here much anymore. I can't seem to make myself. It isn't that I haven't had a year of wonderful happenings that I could blog. I just don't seem to have any words in me. I am rambling and have no idea why I am here at this keyboard other that it has been a year. I wonder if I will ever stop missing, longing, aching, and feel content again. Perhaps, some day. If this sounds a bit like a pity party, I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted to mark the passing of the year. I am grateful for my mother and her life. I am grateful for the lessons she taught me. I am grateful for the plan of salvation, even though I still wonder. I am grateful for the love my mom had for me, the things she taught me, the capacity she had to endure to the end. For I guess when all is said and done, that is the last great thing we do, endure to the end.

5 comments:

Megan said...

Patty,
I love you.
My Sister and I have been talking a lot lately and I think she put it realy well. She said the death of a parent just makes you feel displaced.
Sometimes {at least for me} "rambling" is actually sorting. Sorting out feelings, thoughts, things floating around in my little brain. I think a personal blog is just the place to do that.

I appreciate you sharing with me,

Megan

Sabra said...

Your ramblings are beautiful. I love Grandma Peggy.

Brenda said...

Hi Patty,

I think the first year is very difficult. I understand your words and feel your sadness and loss.
Blessings to you. I'm happy to see you are posting again.

Love, Brenda

Kimmy said...

I like your ramblings and agree with Megan that ramblings are a sorting of thoughts and feelings. And I too appreciate you sharing. I wish we had one of those famous cupcake joints in town cuz I'd be over with a dozen of them just to try to sweeten your days...but it's Yuma- blasted all. I guess I could bring you some tortillas..but they just dont seem as cheery as cupcakes.
Hugs to you dear Patty!

Granni P said...

You are all such dear friends. Thank you for your wisdom and love. I appreciate and love each of you so very much

 
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