Reflection

These days seem to leave me wordless. It has been one year yesterday that my mother passed away. In some corner of myself I have been profoundly changed. I seem to have lost something of me and I don't even know what it is or where to look for it. I had planned to be in the temple on this day but life just didn't work out the way I had planned. Still, I look forward to the day and know it will come shortly. I wonder, is she looking toward the day? I wonder what it is like for her now, is she busy with all of the things she didn't get done here? I wonder alot about death and how it changes you. I don't visit here much anymore. I can't seem to make myself. It isn't that I haven't had a year of wonderful happenings that I could blog. I just don't seem to have any words in me. I am rambling and have no idea why I am here at this keyboard other that it has been a year. I wonder if I will ever stop missing, longing, aching, and feel content again. Perhaps, some day. If this sounds a bit like a pity party, I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted to mark the passing of the year. I am grateful for my mother and her life. I am grateful for the lessons she taught me. I am grateful for the plan of salvation, even though I still wonder. I am grateful for the love my mom had for me, the things she taught me, the capacity she had to endure to the end. For I guess when all is said and done, that is the last great thing we do, endure to the end.

Lost Blogger

Today is a good day. I have been having more and more of them lately. When I sat down at the computer a little while ago to do some browsing I really had no intention of posting anything. As some of you may have noticed I haven't been here for some time. But when I noticed on Sabra's blog a post that said Kelly's Visit under Lemmony Lunacy I was intrigued. Really, Kelly came to visit, who's Kelly? I missed it and it was my blog?! Then I clicked and the page could not be found. I began to wonder if you don't visit or post, does a blog go away into some unknown computer world, never to be read again? So I clicked on The Lemmon Family under my favorites bar and here I am. Because my mind is in a much better place these days, I decided to leave a note to say I was here! I feel like I have jumped a hurdle now and I may even come back and post again another day. I do want to leave here today, knowing that I honored the rest of the cupcake kids. While my heart and mind were checked out last year we had a couple of birthdays. The girls did get their cupcakes from Grama but I just couldn't seem to pull myself together to write it all down. So here are the pictures of the last two of the year. Malaya was in September and Jade was in November. Malaya is my little artist, always drawing for me. She is so quiet that sometimes I lose her in the hubbub of our gatherings. She is undemanding and sweet, kind and funny and silly and a delight to have around. I love you Malaya! Jade wanted a turkey or some Thanksgiving theme for her cake. She wanted me to bring it to school and I did. She loved it. She is such a fun girl, always ready to be by my side. She loves to draw and is always ready for a project with Grama. She is loving and loved so very much!Jade is always up for a gathering of cousins at Grama's and we haved had so much fun together! So Happy Birthday to my little girls, for last year. At least I got this posted before you turned ten and eleven!!

More Birthdays

June and July bring lots of birthdays and celebrations in our family. So we celebrated 3 of them on the 4th of July. We missed Naomi's on the 23rd of June because we were in San Diego. Great trip!! And Mallory's is the day after mine and America's on the 5th of July. So we all gathered on the 4th in the evening for lots of food and fun. All of the boys and families and Ashley were here. We ate and visited and watch old home movies, had cake and ice cream and then headed out to see the fireworks. They were beautiful and lasted longer than any I had ever seen. Perfect weather, perfect company, perfect day. Mallory is now 9 and Naomi is 6 and I am older than both!

The cakes were a little on the slippery side with the heat and humidity so the frosting wasn't standing up much but the girls loved them. Mallory had requested a red, white and blue so Naomi got one too. Of course Maverick had to tell me again how he didn't get a gumball on the top of his so I found him one and he put it in his pocket. I wonder if he ever chewed it up. I think it was more about possesion at this point. Funny boy!

June 13, 1925 - May 19, 2010

My Mother, My Friend

She was kind,beautiful,bodacious.
Loving,patient,tenacious.
She was true and brave,courageous,
with laughter and cheer so contagious.
If I could see her but once again,
I would call her mother, my very best friend.


Happy Birthday Mom, I love and miss you more than I ever thought possible.
I think of you every day,and wait for the sound of the bell.

Seven Years

Happy Birthday Dawson! Seven years on the 8th of June! He was born on his Great Grandfather Lemmon's birthday! Dawson is such a sweet boy, always has a hug and kiss for his grama! We love you kiddo! The cake was more about taste this time I think. I just didn't seem to have a heart for it this month but doesn't mean Dawson isn't as loved. Just couldn't seem to make the fingers do what I needed them to do this day. And he wanted Power Rangers and had to settle for the ole Spiderman! But hey, he didn't care, it was more about getting his cake from grama, I think. Hope you have a great year Sweet Dawson!

Grama and one of her Favorite Little Men

Night Time

Night Fractures. Splinters crevices that become chasms with each ting of the bell, until longing for the void where there is no sound,no smell, no feeling, only darkness and silence that never comes. Then the buttery soft light of morning growing and filling the blackness of dreams, bringing courage to walk the precipice one more day, hoping to make the journey, hoping for strength to stay the course, finding that glade of peace, knowing the towers of guilt, regret, remorse, sorrow and loss will overshadow all in complete and utter silence, no breath, no ringing of the bell.

Seven Down, Five To Go, I Think!

Brooke turned four and requested a Hello Kitty Cupcake! After much searching I found a topper at the bakery and proceeded to the kitchen. Ashley baked the cake for me one night and I tried to make it look cute the day of the party. I had trouble with the frosting, my mind was in a funk, but I think she liked it anyway. Little girls are like that, they love whatever grama makes them. We had a great time with all of the cousins at Triple P. I always love to see them all together. Happy Birthday to our toothless little Brooke. I remember getting the phone call and hopping on a plane a couple of hours later. You were born before I made it to Denver but I have a picture of us just a few hours after you were born. I held you and whispered I love you in your soft sweet ear. Happy Birthday Sweet Little Girl!!!